Sometimes my Lord overwhelms my heart, my mind, and my soul....and even my body...so intensely that I feel like I might just explode! Into praise? Into song? Into a poem? I feel like so many words need to be expressed but I have no idea where to begin. I just know that He is FAITHFUL!!! Amazingly, wonderfully, warmly, cozily faithful! I am so psycho....totally unfaithful, inconsistent, chaotic, zooming a million miles an hour....and my God is there, totally calm, loving, understanding, loving, safe..holding me ever so tenderly, keeping me from totally going insane. I cannot explain this very well but just understand that His love is unchanging & irreplaceable! He has stolen my heart with just one glance of His eyes!

So many things have happened, are happening now. So many changes, new chapters in this "book of my life", difficulties, victories, bad choices, good choices... Yet He is the Author! The One who is scripting this story that has been written since before I was formed in the secret place. The One who makes my bad choices into good for His glory & holy purposes!

The one thing I want is to LOVE Him! I want to forsake all things of this world to KNOW Him, to WORSHIP Him, to HONOR Him! I'm horrible at it. But He continuously (without any waver whatsoever) loves me & accepts my filthy-as-rags attempts to be a lover of God! The thing I often forget is that I am no longer my own....I have been bought at a price and although my love is so so very imperfect, He lives in me, His Spirit teaches me how to love Him well! What He wants is surrender & not perfection. Trust not self-trust.

John 15:5-apart from me, you can do NOTHING.

His love is pure beauty, bliss, paradise, everything sacred, holy purity, the center of every God-made passion, my hope, my life...

Listening to His Voice

Listening to His Voice **Please read this quick blog :)

This is one of those things that the Spirit uses to wake me up (yet again) to the realities of God's heart for the people He lovingly made. I can get so dumb & blind...paying attention to the fleeting, unimportant things that flash before my eyes...all the while I am called to be a living, walking representation of Christ's heart. I can't do that on my own, but His Spirit will live through me.

I am just a few days away from starting my Practice Teaching...1 whole semester of spending day after day with sweet, little, loveable beauties in a Kindergarten class. (Not to mention all the amazing adults & other children I am sure to meet!) I am so blessed & I quickly forget. Pray that I will serve them with all my heart & be open to all that He has for me during this time!

:) I pray that He would open us all up, help us to understand, & that we would be willing to be lovers. To love with HIS love! His children, all of them!

The A21 Campaign and Human Trafficking

Here is a video put on youtube by one of my favorite people. Beckah Shae (on the left in the video) is a beautiful, mighty woman of God. I found her music a few years ago and she is my favorite artist! I listen to her music all the time and it draws me nearer to His truth in such a fun way! She has such a heart for people and in this video, we hear from Christine Caine. Just watch!

I love when they say: We can't do everything, but we each can do SOMETHING.

Jesus, show us how.

I Need to Learn This...

Title: The Weapon of Prayer

Author: Elisabeth Elliot

News came one day which indicated that a matter I had been praying about had deteriorated rather than improved. "What good are my prayers, anyway?" I was tempted to ask. "Why bother? It's becoming a mere charade." But the words of Jesus occurred in my Bible reading that very morning (and wasn't it a good thing I'd taken time to hear Him?): "If you, bad as you are, know how to give your children what is good for them, how much more will your heavenly Father give good things to those who ask him?" (Matthew 7:11, NEB).

Are you as often tempted as I am to doubt the effectiveness of prayer? But Jesus prayed. He told us to pray. We can be sure that the answer will come, and it will be good. If it is not exactly what we expected, chances are we were not asking for quite the right thing. Our heavenly Father hears the prayer, but wants to give us bread rather than stones.

Prayer is a weapon. Paul speaks of the "weapons we wield" in 2 Corinthians 10:4-5. They are "not merely human, but divinely potent to demolish strongholds" (NEB). The source of my doubts about its potency that morning was certainly not the Holy Spirit. It was the unholy spirit, the Destroyer himself, urging me to quit using the weapon he fears so intensely.

Good Words by Mrs. Elisabeth Elliot

I just think this is a fun little passage!

Title: Will God Explain Why?

Author: Elisabeth Elliot

We sometimes imagine that God must eventually "sit us down" and "explain" his mysterious ways to our satisfaction. Let us suppose we have never seen a skyscraper. We discover a whole city block surrounded by a board fence. Finding a knothole, we peer inside. Huge earth movers are at work; hundreds of men in hard hats are busy at mysterious tasks; cranes are being moved into place; truckloads of pipes and cement are being unloaded. What on earth is happening? There is nobody around to answer our questions. If we wait long enough, nobody will need to. When we see the finished building, all the incomprehensible activity becomes comprehensible. "Oh! So this is what that was for."

"I shall be satisfied when I awake, with Thy likeness" (Ps 17: 15 AV).

The Gospel

This is my King, my Savior... and this is how He has changed my life! <3 It is a good, good Friday even though it once was the darkest day in creation..in 3 days, Happy Resurrection Sunday!!

Time, Schedules, and Surrender

Last night at bible study, we watched a video sermon by Andy Stanley. He was talking about our schedules and not leaving any "margins" for the important things. I was extremely blessed, encouraged, convicted, and I enjoyed this lesson!

He talked about how we so often (if not always) live unwisely. We act as though we will never run out of time and as if we can make up for time lost. This isn't true! He gave so many great points! First of all, all of our time is limited. Second, we are always doing something. Third, somebody will determine how you spend your time. We often think it is our "right" to choose, and we usually do choose how we will spend our time. Although if we don't, someone will. It might be our family, our boss, our teachers, etc. Andy said that God says to us, "Let me be in charge."

He said, why wouldn't we surrender our time to God? He is the One who gave it to us in the first place and He is the only One who knows how much of it we have left!

He then talked about how God is the only One who has the power to give and take days away! He is in control! We should feel safe and trust in His timing for things to come to pass. We should go to Him for wisdom about how to spend our days.

When we surrender our schedule to Him, He will form a schedule that includes margins. Margins that make time for the important things in life..primarily our relationship with HIM! :)

The first way to create margins is to recognize that our days are numbered by God. Psalm 90:12 says "So teach us to number our days, That we may gain a heart of wisdom." Andy talked about how it is wise to surrender our schedules to Him. We have to have the right perspective that we are in a life that is limited by time. Andy gave this example: We would change the way we spend our time if the doctor told us we only have 6 months to live...1 month to live. We would change our schedules to do the important things! He said, God says, "You only have 1 life to live! You should rearrange your schedule."

The second way to create margins is to prioritize accordingly. Ephesians 5:15-17 also talks about being wise with our time, and to redeem our time! Paul equates this with the will of the Lord. "Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is." Andy said when scheduling, we should ask the Father, "What is the wise thing to do?"

He said that most of us are fearful of what God will do with our time. (This is a lie from the enemy because His perfect love drives out fear!) We are afraid that if we let Him take control, we won't be as productive. This isn't true! God made us productive and will probably make us more productive. Our priorities determine our capacity, rather than the amount of things determine our capacity. He used the illustration of packing the car up for a long vacation. If you randomly throw everyone's bags in, you will fill up quickly, maybe even having to leave some things behind. There will not being any margins - any space to see through the rearview window. There would be a lot of wasted space (time). But if you prioritize the bags, and pack them wisely, they will fit together and in fact you will have more space! There will now be a margin at the top to see out the rearview window.

Lastly, the best way to utilize time, to create margins in our schedules is to make time alone with God our highest priority. I think this has to be done out of affection for Him! This will allow us to understand His will for our lives, help us to be more sensitive to the Spirit's leading, our capacity will be greater...there WILL BE a margin of peace and joy! Matthew 6:33-But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

This message was a blessing to me! I have always struggled with time management. Here is my answer! The same one as everything else.... SURRENDER!! <3

Materialism... Flesh vs Spirit

I have spent the last 1 hour and 15 minutes looking online at cars! That isn't necessarily a bad thing, but for me, it is pure materialism. I have no need for a car, I simply got "new cars" into my head and began looking! Oh my goodness!

I have never been one to be tempted or taunted by the things of the world...yes, I enjoyed getting new stuff, but I never had to have the next best thing or anything. Until the last few months! I have been totally thinking (spending way too much time thinking about...) phones and today, cars. What is up with that? It can be a big deal for some people, especially here in America. But for me, the only thing I spend too much money on is music and books. If I ever bought anything else, I would buy once and not again for quite a while. But lately, when someone in my family has gotten a new phone, I missed having a "new" phone.. or lately my parents have been talking about possibly getting a new car, and I started thinking about a new car. ???? What is happening?!

People often think that idols are metal or wooden statues that people pray to, bow down to, or carry around.. but idols can be anything that we are worshipping. And in this world, especially a country like America, we are teased each day with images of the "next big thing"...and I mean constant attacks. Material things are valued so highly that you are not 'normal' if you don't have a Blackberry or iPhone, a Google TV or a Hi-def TV, an expensive car or big house. It isn't that those things are wrong in & of themselves...in fact, when used right, they can be awesome tools of love for the Kingdom, but valuing them so highly that you feel lost without them, or can't imagine not having them, that is an idol! My cell phone and computer are probably the 2 things that I have to watch myself on. For someone else it may be their car, their jewelry, or their house.

...This post was from a few days ago. I never finished writing it! I think that the truth shines through though.

Today, I just feel the need to write. My prayer is that the Lord would work through this post and would give me the topic(s) He wants me to speak about!

I have been going through a very tough season spiritually.. I have been up & down, in & out, 'round & 'round. My heart cries and feels sad, tired, lost, alone when I am without Him. I constantly remind myself that He has not left me but He has upheld me in His strong, righteous right hand! It is ME that turns my gaze from Him to something else, it is ME that tries to run and run (why? I don't know!) but the beautiful, wonderful, amazing, glorious thing is that when I turn from His face or lace up my shoes to run away from Him, I never get far until I look around a realize that I still am safe in the palm of His hand. I never get far! He does not let me leave..I don't know why. I am so unworthy of this amazing, glorious love. No matter how hard I try, I can't comprehend it.

In fact, I get so angry at myself sometimes, so frustrated! I just can't see why I can't stay in Him, why I can't keep my gaze locked into those piercing, beautiful eyes? Erg. I get so angry with myself sometimes! But then He reminds me... "There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit." (Rom. 8:1) Then I start to think...isn't that what I am doing though? I am walking according to the flesh anytime my gaze is broken, anytime I am distracted or tempted to look to myself, someone else, or to the world. I sometimes can't understand why I go back and forth, and up and down. Then He again speaks to me... Paul once said, "For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do." (Rom. 7:15) Erg! That is just it! In my head, I want to be a holy woman of God, but then I stumble, I fall. Oh my! Then He reminds me that Paul also once said, "I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good. For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. But I see another law in my members, warring against that law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?" (Rom 7:21-24) Yes! That is exactly how it feels! That is how it seems to work! Wow. "So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin." (Rom. 7:25b)

Man, so I understand a little better.. this is how it is going to be for every child of God. How wonderful that He is so faithful, patient, merciful, gracious, wanting us to know & love Him! He is so awesome! "I thank God-through Jesus Christ our Lord!" (Rom. 7:25a)

As I mentioned before, I have been going through a tough season, and I don't think it is over yet..but I will continue to fix my gaze upon Him (through HIS strength) when I find that I am so exhausted because I have been trying to run from Him... I will look up and realize that He is holding me, laughing at me even! Laughing that I think I can just run..He will never leave nor forsake me! No one (not even myself!) can pluck me from the palm of His hand!

:)

This or That

I decided to copy Ellerslie's Student Blog and do a this or that myself...just for fun! I am taking a break from reading for class :)

I think you, reader, should answer the questions also!

1. Ice Cream vs. Frozen Yogurt?
Ice Cream... haven't had frozen yogurt much! I bet it is delish though :)

2. Kindle vs. Book in Hand?
Book please! Kindle's are neat but I am a lover of books...smells, texture, :) Especially old ones where they pages are yellow-y.

3. Carpet vs. Hardwood?
Hm, hardwood is much more beautiful but carpet makes it warm. I think I will go with the Eric Ludy answer-hardwood with a beautiful, fluffy rug on top!

4. Camping vs. Hotel?
Oh man, that is a hard one..I LOVE camping, but hotel visits are fun. So it depends! Camping has a slight edge though :)

5. Car vs. Bike?
Car for sure! I haven't ridden a bike in a LOT of years! Plus I'm a chicken!

6. Hot chocolate or coffee?
I drink a lot of hot chocolate at Christmas time, but otherwise a coffee and tea drinker! I love both!

7. Sweater or sweatshirt?
Sweater! I used to be a sweatshirt-all-the-time girl, but I hardly wear them anymore..they aren't as comfy as I used to think.

8. Fallen leaves or fallen snow?
Hm, either! Beauty!

9. Sunny or Rainy?
Both! My favorite time is the summer when there is both at once! Gorgeous, refreshing, beautiful-smelling rain storms mixed with lightning and thunder and dark grey skies, then suddenly sunny sunlight with birds singing! Ah :)

10.Oceanside or Mountain Peak?
I'm a mountain girl... Ocean is beautiful but send me out to the pine trees with a pup, a book, journal and the smell of the forest, looking up through the branches to the blue skies...that is where I love to be, I belong there!

11.Food: Something New or Steady Favorites?
Steady favorites... I do try new stuff every so often though :)

12. Journal: Paper or Computer?
Paper all the way...tried to computer thing and it isn't for me. I love me some writing.

13.Scheduled or Spontaneous?
Probably a mixture of both... things that need to be scheduled...please keep them scheduled, thanks! Things that don't need to be, spontaneous is a good measure of adventure!

EXCITED!!

I think I have written and thought the word..."excited" more times than ever before in one hour! :) I just wrote a friend *wink wink-she knows who she is!* an email and have been thinking about stuff and I seriously said and thought...excited about a million times! Okay, not "seriously" but pretty much!

Today marks my first official day back to classes for this semester. My last one of just course work..next Fall-student teaching! Eeek! Tomorrow, God willing, is my first day back to see everyone at the BSU, haven't seen many of them for over a month..I miss them. I'm working on getting all my stuff organized. I just got a new study bible that I have cracked open to start falling more in love with the Word and the One who wrote it all! I am working on memorizing 2 Corinthians 10:3-5! I am going to restart Wrestling Prayer by Eric and Leslie. My classes are all going to be online this semester...except for one..so I am going to get this amazing gift of more time outside of class..more time to do things in a timely manner because I am free to choose how to use my time (pray for me please!) I may be doing some discipleship. I am going to start a bible study soon - Beth Moore I believe (awesome!)

So many exciting things...basically I see and know the provision, the favor of God Almighty in my life! He is GOOD! He is GREAT! He takes care of me like the little sparrows of the air :) He has called me much more valuable than they are!

May the God of my life get all the glory! I am just so excited :)

Quick note..

There are so many blessings... yet I struggle to die to my flesh..to crucify it completely. I live in this body of death, as Paul puts it. Yet I STILL BELIEVE that it is His indwelling Spirit that gives me strength...He leads and guides and loves and lives through me! He is gracious enough to dwell within this sinful vessel. Amazing! I asked Him to and I believe that He will...He is going to teach me how to be in a constant communion with Him, living and walking in His Spirit, because I do not know how to do it on my own! I can't do it on my own! Isn't that the point? He is so merciful and oh so faithful!

It is a new year! Well it is the 5th day of the new year and it is going to be beautiful! I say this not because I "choose" to see it as beautiful or because I have faith in myself or in any human in my life, but because I believe in His most precious and holy promises to be with me! In His presence is the FULLNESS of joy! (Ps. 16:11) He IS love and light..how can anything be "bad" when I truly belong to Him!?