Well tomorrow is the first day of March... ALREADY! Remember it was just January 1, 2010? Remember it was just January 1, 2000?!?!?!?!?! Why does time fly? Why does my life pass me by? Could it be that as Solomon once said, "everything is meaningless"? I truly think this is it...I mean, it is the Word of God, so I KNOW it is right. Ecclesiastes 2:11 says, "Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun." TRUTH. Truth is exactly what this Word speaks to my heart. It takes me back to Psalm 127:1 and 2... "Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain. In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat-for he grants sleep to those he loves." Since this semester started..7 weeks have passed... I have worked approximately 100 hours (working with age 4-12), done 12 hours in a 4 and 5 year old classroom, been in classes for about 84 hours (not counting some homework time)... AND spent about less than 10 hours with family... AND waaaaayyyy less with the King of all kings, the Desire of my heart, the Lord God Almighty... What's my point? I have toiled like never before... all is meaningless without Him. Solomon's words ring so true because not only have I felt overwhelmed by it but when I step back for some perspective I realize that I've been spiritually asleep for the whole 7 weeks. When I am far from Him, (He is never far from me, He will never leave me or forsake me, I simply ignore Him-which is so utterly sinful) I am a lost little girl, alone in the dark.. at least it seems that way. But He is so sweet, so calm, so peaceful, so lovely... He gently calls me to Him... I make up my excuses, I'm tired, I have so much to do.... etc. And you want to know the even SICKER part??? I have watched more tv than I'd like to admit... Ug. I'm doing the very thing that Eric and Leslie Ludy have talked about. They talked about how this world, the enemy, and our flesh like to make us believe we are TIRED, we need to VEGITATE, we need some DOWNTIME. But this is a lie! And you know how I know?!? Because Jesus, my Beautiful Christ, He IS REST. He is PEACE, QUIET. There is no such thing as downtime in His kingdom! When we are walking in the Spirit, when He is living in and through us, we are TRULY ALIVE! This is not to say we won't get physically tired, but if our emotions, spirit and mind are really living in Him (as I claim) then we aren't spent at the end of the day. I'm ready for more of Him! I'm ready to tackle the enemy! I'm ready to serve others with no breaks! Oh Jesus! I'm ready to sacrifice all of my belongings and self just to get more time with you...
Have I ever really experienced this? Yes, I think so... for a few moments. That's how I know this so intimately. But have I truly surrendered all to Him? Have I truly thrown myself off that glorious throne of my life so that my King can take His rightful seat? Have I truly said to Him that I am tired of me? No. Not really.
Read these lyrics to "Tired" by Nina Landis:
"I'm so tired of losing my hope.
I'm so tired of sleeping.
I'm so tired of forgetting to trust.
I'm so tired of settling.
Over and over and over again.
Over and over and over again.
Over and over and over again.
I'm so tired of chasing the wind.
I'm so tired of runnin' around.
I'm so tired of compromising.
I'm so tired of failing.
Over and over and over again.
Over and over and over again.
Over and over and over again.
I'm counting on Your mercy God!
I'm hoping in Your grace!
I'm clinging to Your mercy God!
I'm looking to Your face!
I'm so tired of forgetting tomorrow.
I'm so tired of missing today.
I'm so tired of these tears and this sorrow.
I'm so tired of running away!
I'm counting on Your mercy God!
I'm hoping in Your grace!
I'm clinging to Your mercy God!
I'm looking to Your face!
I'm looking past the veil to the other side,
where this skin on me won't be plagued with sin... on the other side.
On the other side,
where redemption lies!
I'm looking past the veil to the other side,
where this skin on me won't be plagued with sin...on the other side.
On the other side,
where perfection lies!"
As He is so passionately and tenderly pursuing me...I will count on His mercy, I will hope in His grace, I will cling to Him! He is so kind. =] I no longer want to toil away at meaningless things... I only want to spend myself on things that draw me and others to Him. I am not saying that school, work, and homework are meaningless, I am saying that without His presence and blessing they are meaningless beyond words. With Him, they are a tool. A tool in His hands! A tool that He may be using to prepare me, mold me, grow me, teach me.... It is a privilege to serve those precious children, an honor to get to know all these people that I work along side of and meet in my classes. I know that it is not in vain when I do it all in His name, in faith! As for tv and all of that, it is MEANINGLESS. It is a waste of time and energy. Lord, please purge me of anything that is not of You, anything that does not give you complete glory and honor!
Re-evaluate what you are spending your time on, you'll find His sweet presence - which is freedom!
