I have never been one to be tempted or taunted by the things of the world...yes, I enjoyed getting new stuff, but I never had to have the next best thing or anything. Until the last few months! I have been totally thinking (spending way too much time thinking about...) phones and today, cars. What is up with that? It can be a big deal for some people, especially here in America. But for me, the only thing I spend too much money on is music and books. If I ever bought anything else, I would buy once and not again for quite a while. But lately, when someone in my family has gotten a new phone, I missed having a "new" phone.. or lately my parents have been talking about possibly getting a new car, and I started thinking about a new car. ???? What is happening?!
People often think that idols are metal or wooden statues that people pray to, bow down to, or carry around.. but idols can be anything that we are worshipping. And in this world, especially a country like America, we are teased each day with images of the "next big thing"...and I mean constant attacks. Material things are valued so highly that you are not 'normal' if you don't have a Blackberry or iPhone, a Google TV or a Hi-def TV, an expensive car or big house. It isn't that those things are wrong in & of themselves...in fact, when used right, they can be awesome tools of love for the Kingdom, but valuing them so highly that you feel lost without them, or can't imagine not having them, that is an idol! My cell phone and computer are probably the 2 things that I have to watch myself on. For someone else it may be their car, their jewelry, or their house.
...This post was from a few days ago. I never finished writing it! I think that the truth shines through though.
Today, I just feel the need to write. My prayer is that the Lord would work through this post and would give me the topic(s) He wants me to speak about!
I have been going through a very tough season spiritually.. I have been up & down, in & out, 'round & 'round. My heart cries and feels sad, tired, lost, alone when I am without Him. I constantly remind myself that He has not left me but He has upheld me in His strong, righteous right hand! It is ME that turns my gaze from Him to something else, it is ME that tries to run and run (why? I don't know!) but the beautiful, wonderful, amazing, glorious thing is that when I turn from His face or lace up my shoes to run away from Him, I never get far until I look around a realize that I still am safe in the palm of His hand. I never get far! He does not let me leave..I don't know why. I am so unworthy of this amazing, glorious love. No matter how hard I try, I can't comprehend it.
In fact, I get so angry at myself sometimes, so frustrated! I just can't see why I can't stay in Him, why I can't keep my gaze locked into those piercing, beautiful eyes? Erg. I get so angry with myself sometimes! But then He reminds me... "There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit." (Rom. 8:1) Then I start to think...isn't that what I am doing though? I am walking according to the flesh anytime my gaze is broken, anytime I am distracted or tempted to look to myself, someone else, or to the world. I sometimes can't understand why I go back and forth, and up and down. Then He again speaks to me... Paul once said, "For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do." (Rom. 7:15) Erg! That is just it! In my head, I want to be a holy woman of God, but then I stumble, I fall. Oh my! Then He reminds me that Paul also once said, "I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good. For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. But I see another law in my members, warring against that law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?" (Rom 7:21-24) Yes! That is exactly how it feels! That is how it seems to work! Wow. "So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin." (Rom. 7:25b)
Man, so I understand a little better.. this is how it is going to be for every child of God. How wonderful that He is so faithful, patient, merciful, gracious, wanting us to know & love Him! He is so awesome! "I thank God-through Jesus Christ our Lord!" (Rom. 7:25a)
As I mentioned before, I have been going through a tough season, and I don't think it is over yet..but I will continue to fix my gaze upon Him (through HIS strength) when I find that I am so exhausted because I have been trying to run from Him... I will look up and realize that He is holding me, laughing at me even! Laughing that I think I can just run..He will never leave nor forsake me! No one (not even myself!) can pluck me from the palm of His hand!
:)
Dear Sari
ReplyDeleteI loved reading what Paul says to those struggles. I know them well and it seems like I constantly ponder these things... This constant battle and constant trying to put self to death. It is so hard sometimes, but then again it is so beautiful to realize we are in His hand and He is working even though we can't always see it.
I love having you as my friend and sister and being able to share these things with you. :)
Love! :)
Salome